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[alt_evelyn]

There's nothing much to report from the Forest this week. We found part of a grindylow on the edge of the swamp, and a decent sized patch of asphodel, but other than that, we didn't come across anything. Next week, the plan is to walk around the swamp to map it out so we can go deeper in. Depending. Nev comes of age next Wednesday, so we're still waiting to see what'll happen with that.

And. I've been talking with Kitty and Artie. They both wrote me yesterday about Sirius's Grim Truth, and when we've had the chance to get together over hols so far, they've had a lot of questions about what happened with Draco, and what Harry talked about at the end of term, and they want to know more.

I don't know whether they think that I know more than they do or not. When we talk, it's mostly as if we're all in the dark together, but every now and then they'll talk around things rather than face them head on, especially when it comes to anything about mum and dad. I can't blame them. I watch what I say too, after all. And they very might well suspect something, but if I started asking them about it, well, I figured it'd be best to run things by you lot first.

It's more than a little frustrating at times. To have to be careful.

But we do talk about the Protectorate, and how awful and scary things are, and about what we've been getting up to at school, and what the radio says, and we talk about what it's like for them as halfbloods, and what it's like for me as whatever I am. And I've told them what I think about things, what I think is right and wrong, and what's unfair and why, because I don't have to lie about that part, and from what I can sort out, they think the same sorts of things.

Kitty's been my best friend ever since I started at Hogwarts, really. She's brave and strong and endlessly kind, and she told me when we first got to know each other that she'd never be ashamed of her parents. Artie is quiet, and all sorts of shy, but he's brilliant. He goes on and on about intellectual freedom when you get him on a tear, and he's just been so proud to be a part of the Galleon group, and when news came out about McClaggen's brother, he stood up in front of everyone in the Great Hall and walked over and held my hand.

I want to tell them more. And I think they're ready for it.

I'm only wondering how best to go about it.

Might we have a meeting, like Sally-Anne did with Daphne? It's just that

Well, once I tell them that I'm involved in something much bigger, there's no going back, really, and I trust them both to the ends of the earth and back again, but I want to make sure when I open that door that it's all right with everyone and everything's proper and safe.

Comments

Private Message to Neville

[alt_evelyn]

I've kept so much from both of them. And I hate it.

I just keep thinking about what happened to Pansy when she told Draco the truth, and it makes my stomach twist into knots.

Re: Private Message to Neville

[alt_neville]

About Artie...I've never come right out and asked this yet, but do you really care about him? Or at least have strong feelings about him? Because I reckon it can never really go anywhere if you can't be truly honest with him.

But even that's not enough of a reason to tell him if he isn't safe. I wish I knew him better.

This will sound blunt, but do you know what he wants to do for a career, or is he ambitious about rising in school, or Dark Arts or CCF? Because you'll have to weigh really carefully how you think he feels about you-- about all of us in the Galleon group, really--and decide whether you think it outweighs what he thinks in his own mind he could get for betraying you, or even betraying us all. Because you have to admit that anyone who could hand you and me to MLE on a platter, maybe even enough to draw in Mum and Dad so they could be arrested, well, that person would probably be swimming in Galleons for the rest of their lives (if they didn't get killed for knowing too much, of course).

Same goes for Katie. We know really dangerous stuff now. (Have they ever tried Occlumency?)

This sounds nasty. But do you have dirt on them? You know, how we used to say a secret on the I Solemnly Swear lock so we'd be sure none of us would betray the others?

I know it's hard. I went back and read some of Mum and Dad's entries about us before Dumbledore swore us in, and it just about killed them, keeping so many secrets from us.

I'm sorry.

Re: Private Message to Neville

[alt_evelyn]

Oh, Nev.

It can't be just me saying they're ready.

And you don't

Right. Yes. I do love him. And he's told me he loves me back, and for what it's worth, I believe him.

He knows what happened with McClaggen, and he's never, not once done anything to make me feel dirty or powerless or small. He respects me. He listens to me. He's a good person.

I'll show you some of his letters. I know he hasn't said much when he's been over, but he writes endlessly. And the things he's written

Well, it's enough to get him in trouble if they were to get out, I suppose.

I need your support on this, Neville. It means a lot to me. And he won't stand a chance with the rest of the Order if you think he'd do something like that.

Re: Private Message to Neville

[alt_evelyn]

And there's an enormous difference between being nervous because you worry that someone won't love you any more, or will be angry because you've been keeping so much from them, and thinking they'll betray you.

I can't believe that he would. Not after all we've talked about.

Re: Private Message to Neville

[alt_neville]

You'll have my support, always. And I'll look at the letters or at least the not-too-private bits you think are okay.

I just wanted you to be sure. If you are, I'll back you up all the way.

(And good on you, finding someone you can love, who treats you right. Hope I can find someone like that someday.)

Re: Private Message to Neville

[alt_evelyn]

All right, then.

I'm sure.

I hope you do too, Pete, with all my heart. And I hope that you can be honest with them, and that they'll love you for who you are, too.

The way I figure it, the two of us are a rather rigorous filter, aren't we? Someone decides they want to be friends with us, really, truly, that must mean they're just as stubborn as we are, and that they've probably got one foot in the Order already.

It's how I knew that Pansy and Sally-Anne and Ron were all decent people. Right from the start, really.

[alt_ron]

Bundy's alright. She's always been solid. In CCF, she was always the one I could trust.

I'll come along if you want. When you talk to her.

[alt_evelyn]

Thank you, Ron. That'd mean a lot.

[alt_alice]

It'd be fine by me if you sat down your Kitty and Artie with some other Hogwarts members and had a conversation.

And I would be happy to welcome them both into the Order if they are willing.

Private Message to Mum

[alt_evelyn]

Thank you.

Thank you so very much.

We'll let you know.