ORDER ONLY: Private Message to Mr Snape

[alt_evelyn]

Sir,

I'd like to come by tomorrow morning to put in some extra work on my mindfulness.

If that would be all right with you.

Thank you.

Comments

[alt_severus]

Certainly.

If there is a precipitating incident for your distress, use the box meditation tonight to set it aside until tomorrow morning; a good night's sleep is essential. If it is more generalised, spend some time tonight with the candle meditation to lull yourself to sleep. Either way, meet me before breakfast and I will do what I might to help.

If speaking of what is bothering you would help, I trust you know you may do so.

[alt_evelyn]

I'm thinking about what Bill Weasley said in his report. And it's hard to stop thinking about it. About the girls, I mean. Girls like me. And what was being done to them. And it's got me thinking about the girls who were taken to the Department of Mysteries too.

I'm sad, and I'm angry, and it's like I want to scream about how wrong and awful it is to everyone, only I know I can't. I can't do anything to change any of it, and that makes me sad and angry all over again.

And I'm worried that people will be able to tell that I'm not entirely myself tomorrow.

[alt_evelyn]

I think the box method would be best.

I'll try that.

[alt_severus]

I see.

Your compassion and empathy for others does you credit. It is hard to have the truth of atrocities rubbed in your face while you perceive yourself as unable to take immediate action to circumvent them; it is harder when you identify with those upon whom the atrocities are being committed.

You are not, however, doing nothing. The work you are doing now will not pay off immediately, but you are preparing yourself for the future, and that is not nothing. It may not be the satisfaction of going out and doing battle directly, but when one is playing a long game — as we are — it is vital for us to look to the future as well as to immediate needs, and in addition to educating yourself for the future, you and your fellows are doing considerable work to lay the framework for changes of heart amongst your cohort. You must never underestimate the potential for a few kind words and a proper example to change the minds of those around you; multiple members of your Institute would never have come around to the positions they now hold were it not for the actions of you and yours. This is a battle for hearts and minds as well as bodies and freedoms, and though you may never know whether your individual actions have changed the hearts and minds of another, you ought not downplay the considerable chances that they have.

Yes, before you sleep, place those thoughts in the box and put it on the shelf of your inner room. Tomorrow morning, we will work upon achieving stillness; if you are unable to do so to your own satisfaction and are still concerned that you might give yourself away, we will begin our lessons on creating and presenting an alternate self to observers. I had not intended to begin that study with you in earnest for at least another few months, but your progress has been adequate enough that beginning early should do you no harm.

[alt_evelyn]

Thank you, sir.

Thinking about what you've said will certainly help too.

I've read through it twice and I already feel a bit better.

I'll put them in the box, and put it on the shelf of my inner room, and I'll come by tomorrow to work on my stillness. And before I go to bed, I think I'll try to come up with a kind thing I can do for someone.

[alt_severus]

That certainly cannot hurt.

Remember, as well, that you are not yet adult. And while that should neither stop you from believing you can make a difference nor cause you to defer your contributions until you are considered fully grown by those around you, it does also mean that you are limited in what others around you will accept from you, and unused to seeing matters from a perspective other than the immediate. I am the last to haul out the (quite hypocritical if one digs even somewhat into my own history) admonition that you will understand better when you are older, but further experience and future perspective will certainly smooth out some of your emotional volatility. You are at mercy of a body that is still changing and growing and a mind that has not yet reached its full flower; it is conventional wisdom that all teenagers are unstable, and while I will not ascribe your current unrest entirely to that instability, nor perhaps even in greatest part, it certainly cannot help.

By which I mean: you are fighting not only the outer cruelty of the society in which you are forced to live, but the fact your body is predisposing you to great peaks and valleys of emotion by the underlying processes of approaching maturity. I say this not to make excuses, nor to dismiss nor diminish what you are feeling — it is very real, and an entirely appropriate response for a compassionate soul such as yours when confronted with the horrors at which this society excels — but to remind your intellect that your emotions are neither disproportionate nor unexpected. Do not think yourself weak for having them.

[alt_evelyn]

I won't, sir.

Mum told me once that she thought that her ability to feel for others was one of her greatest strengths. And she's one of the strongest people I know.

[alt_severus]

Your mother is an exceptionally wise woman.

If you are unable to sleep in another half hour, do not attempt to wake early simply to make your appointment with me; sleep in and I will invent reason for you to spend lunchtime in my office instead.

[alt_evelyn]

Yes, sir.